Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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