I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
