drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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