STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
