Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
my being single is dangerous.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
