Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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