i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
