I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize