Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
