Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
