im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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