He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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