Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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