Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
