no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
