and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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