my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
