Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
