Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
