Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
