I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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