And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
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All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
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Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...