Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
