i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
