why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
