why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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