Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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