I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
