Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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