i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Text me some of your sweat
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize