I look better un-naked...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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