i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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