I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
