how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
