so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
