eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
