Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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