My first STD was from a foam party
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
