My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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