Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
