I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
These tits shall not be calmed
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
