i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
