You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
