I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
