the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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