Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dicks are not precious.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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