I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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