My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
