someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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