Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
