Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
