Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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