I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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