; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
