My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize