So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
