I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
