Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
