Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
