New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
