you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
