I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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