No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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