you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
