Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
