respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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