Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
