I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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