He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
