If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
