Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
