I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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