My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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