Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
