a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
